Um, yeah...I'm going to need you to come in on Saturday.

I don't know how I got to this point. Once a free-spirit with severe issues with arising before noon, I now find myself trying not to succumb to the visions of baseball bats and printers dancing in my head. Somewhere between the awkwardly attempted keg stands and removal of questionable hairs in the beer pong brew I had to get a job. I humbly consider myself a Jane of all trades. My resume is littered with a wide array of occupations. On it you can find anything from ice cream to old people. Currently I am employed at a place where I often sit on hold for hours with support systems from around the world, get crafty with highlighters, and wrestle a variety office equipment. Quite glamorous. I say this, of course, with a small amount of sarcasm. 
Although, you know, I could make it so. 

The Seven Year Pen isn't named after the ever-popular Monroe movie. Although I can see getting bored with one being a legitimate excuse to bring in another. No, this pen actually lasts seven years. Once again making it cute and eco-friendly.

I can never figure out how to hide all of those wires anyway.

This pretty pink calculator is just the break you need from spending an entire afternoon crunching numbers you don't understand. For the boys who still don't comprehend that everyone appreciates a guy who's comfortable enough to use pink, it comes in white, too.

If you want to get your foot in the door you better make sure you're wearing the right shoes.

Don't lie. I know you were a crazy marker-sniffing fool in grade school. These pencils, excuse me...smencils come in better scents and have been approved by the entire "go green" movement. Including your third-grade art teacher. So, go ahead and get your fix.

I saw these erasers in a store about a year ago and my heart exploded. My boyfriend will tell you differently, but I know he said they were stupid. They are not.

I have the incredible luck of working at a desk surrounded by windows. Floor to ceiling--nothing but blue skies and green hills. My favorite time of day is when the setting sun finally reaches the surface of the pool. The entire lobby turns into a kaleidescope of colors. (Yeah, yeah. Whatever, hippie.) For those of you who don't have this privilege, I find this ingenious. 

"Sing a song of sixpence a pocket full of rye,
Four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie.
When the pie was opened the birds began to sing,
Oh wasn't that a dainty dish to set before the king?
The king was in his counting house counting out his money,
The queen was in the parlour eating bread and honey
The maid was in the garden hanging out the clothes,
When down came a blackbird and pecked off her nose!"

Yeah, I bet you don't remember how creepy your childhood nursery rhymes actually were. All Mother Goose and Disney conspiracy theories aside, these scissors are spectacular.

And, finally...Kate Middleton, who? Don't wait around for some prince to buy you some bling. Go out and get it yourself. Make it cheap and useful. We all know you're just going to lose it anyway. Maybe that's just me.