Monday, May 30, 2011

"It's the same with these suicide girls calling me up."*


Being of the female variety is a tricky business. Seems to me that there are all sorts of rules and regulations. Always have been. Thankfully we're constantly continuing to work on the "always will be" part that usually accompanies the previous sentence.

Women all around me are looking for ways to embrace their sexuality without compromising intelligence. Not just looking for, but actually making the effort to do so.

You see, the legs are only part of the package. The books on the shelf and paintings on the wall are equally, if not more so, as important in expressing one's creativity as the tattoos and piercings.

It's about not apologizing for who we are. For some it's a daily struggle. Others are well on their way to perfecting it, and some have yet to discover that they don't [really] have to do as they were told. It's about not jamming ourselves into media driven ideals. It's about being caught in a generation where we're told we can do anything* we put our pretty, little minds to (*excluding: x, y, and z.) and not accepting that reality.

And that's beautiful.


Since 2001, SuicideGirls has been bringing alternative beauty to the internet masses. Co-founder Selena "Missy Suicide" Mooney states the purpose of the site is to "give women control of how their sexuality is depicted." The girls are involved directly in the community by interacting in groups, on message boards, and making special appearances. The site receives over one-thousand applications weekly and continues to connect interesting women with one another daily.


Ladies and gentlemen, meet Patton.

Once I figured out what direction I wanted to take this madness I couldn't resist bugging her to do a piece with me. A fascinating creature, this twenty-something Ohio native is the embodiment of all of my manic rambling. She paints, she pierces, and can out-nerd all of my dragon-fighting friends any day. Proof that today's hard-working woman can still do it all backwards and in heels...but can do it just the same in combat boots or Mary Janes. 



What do you like most about the SuicideGirl project?

The fact that it promotes individual character in every girl on the site. Every difference that sets them apart from each other as well as everyone else is what makes them all beautiful women.

What inspired you to become a SuicideGirl?

The lure of a couple of hot girls bugging me to join and model for the site at a tattoo convention.


Where does "Patton" come from?



What do you like most about your fans?

They're incredibly sweet. A lot of them take an interest in the things I'm into. They inform me about upcoming albums releases of my favorite artists, have sent generous presents and pictures...you name it. It's like having a bunch of good friends you never actually meet.


Have you always been comfortable or do you still get nervous being naked in front of others?

 I get nervous in general that I'll look like an idiot, but as far as being naked; not really. I've always been comfortable with my body so it has never really bothered me. 
I'll admit though, it does become distracting--nerve-racking when there are a bunch of people watching.


What does preparing for a photo shoot require?
A good night's sleep and plenty of stretching!


Who are your favorite people to work with?

How do you feel about the revival of other alternative subcultures such as roller derby and burlesque? 
Do you think they're connected?

I'm happy to see more women embracing their identities in lustful form...and putting it into something positive like that.


 
Boxcar Burlesque and the Appalachian Hell Betties


Where does the inspiration for your art and all-around creativity come from?

A composite mixture of mild insanity, music insomnia.

As a fellow native Ohioan, 
why do you choose to call this place home? 

I enjoy the diversity that the capital seems to have established in the years since I've moved here. I could definitely do without the schizophrenic weather. Being [originally] from Cleveland just hearing phrases like "lake effect" or "snow belt" make my bones hurt.

Where is your favorite place to get tattoos done?

Do you have a favorite artist?

Short North Tattoo in Columbus, Ohio Cleveland-Classic in North Olmsted 
with favorite artist Phil Robertson 
North Coast Body Mod with Adam Jorgensen
Ryan Hadley in Ft. Wayne, Indiana


How many piercings and tattoos do you have?

I have forty-seven piercings. I'm not sure how many tattoos. I a have a ton that aren't finished. My favorite is probably my left arm. It's Halloween based, and I have a very, very freakish and unhealthy love of the holiday.

Favorite local business, up and coming artist, or creative mind?

Short North Tattoo is probably my one of my favorite studios I've ever been in. It has a very art based, clean and friendly atmosphere to it. They're opening a new studio at the end of the summer, Old North Tattoo where I'll be performing piercings.  There's also a great record store, Magnolia Thunderpussy, that carries just about all of the weird music I'm into that's hard to 
find in other record stores.

If you had a business card what would be on it--what would your title be?
   
Body harvester/gore. Or kittens. Maybe gore kittens.


What are your favorite foods?
    
 Broccoli, pita chips, hummus, ginger snaps, and cinnamon Teddy Grahams.


Is there a certain part of your body that makes you feel the most confident or sexy? 
    
Not really. I kind of view it as one entire vessel, but having some 
killer hair never hurt.


What does your beauty regimen consist of?
   
I'm kind of lazy on the average day and really only take the time to throw on some quick eyeliner or mascara. I love ProLash and PenUltimate eyeliner by MAC. Makes my makeup process a million times faster. I owe the life of my three foot long hair to John Frieda detangling spray. Also, I love the holy shit out of Aquage Beyond Shine!

Describe an average day in the life of 
yourself:
loud music, work, loud music, work, cat cuddles, bookworming, generalized insomnia, best friend time, Sunday dinners, pictures, 
boobs, science, cleaning

Do you have any advice for girls struggling with their own body image?
   
If you can't embrace your own imperfections you'll never be able to embrace anyone else's. Life is short so love yourself, and forget 
what whatever anyone else might have to say on the matter.

Since my blog is typically about [the obsessing, drooling over, and purchasing of] stuff where is your favorite place to shop?
      First and foremost, Half Price Books and Barnes & Noble have my heart forever. I also like American Apparel, Urban Outfitters, Gilly Hicks and Victoria's Secret.


To buy the mother of all coffee books click here.

Three classics. Now in a billion colors.
Available at all fine stores.
I'm sure of it.

The floppy hat - American Apparel




Special thanks to my beautiful, incredible, wonderful friend 
Amanda,
 for helping me with this post.
Look how cute she is!


* The term SuicideGirls came from the bad-ass Chuck Palahniuk and his book Survivor. If you don't know Chuck by now you better do yourself a favor and get hip, fool. 

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Um, yeah...I'm going to need you to come in on Saturday.




I don't know how I got to this point. Once a free-spirit with severe issues with arising before noon, I now find myself trying not to succumb to the visions of baseball bats and printers dancing in my head. Somewhere between the awkwardly attempted keg stands and removal of questionable hairs in the beer pong brew I had to get a job. I humbly consider myself a Jane of all trades. My resume is littered with a wide array of occupations. On it you can find anything from ice cream to old people. Currently I am employed at a place where I often sit on hold for hours with support systems from around the world, get crafty with highlighters, and wrestle a variety office equipment. Quite glamorous. I say this, of course, with a small amount of sarcasm. 
Although, you know, I could make it so. 

The Seven Year Pen isn't named after the ever-popular Monroe movie. Although I can see getting bored with one being a legitimate excuse to bring in another. No, this pen actually lasts seven years. Once again making it cute and eco-friendly.


I can never figure out how to hide all of those wires anyway.


This pretty pink calculator is just the break you need from spending an entire afternoon crunching numbers you don't understand. For the boys who still don't comprehend that everyone appreciates a guy who's comfortable enough to use pink, it comes in white, too.


If you want to get your foot in the door you better make sure you're wearing the right shoes.


Don't lie. I know you were a crazy marker-sniffing fool in grade school. These pencils, excuse me...smencils come in better scents and have been approved by the entire "go green" movement. Including your third-grade art teacher. So, go ahead and get your fix.


I saw these erasers in a store about a year ago and my heart exploded. My boyfriend will tell you differently, but I know he said they were stupid. They are not.


I have the incredible luck of working at a desk surrounded by windows. Floor to ceiling--nothing but blue skies and green hills. My favorite time of day is when the setting sun finally reaches the surface of the pool. The entire lobby turns into a kaleidescope of colors. (Yeah, yeah. Whatever, hippie.) For those of you who don't have this privilege, I find this ingenious. 


"Sing a song of sixpence a pocket full of rye,
Four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie.
When the pie was opened the birds began to sing,
Oh wasn't that a dainty dish to set before the king?
The king was in his counting house counting out his money,
The queen was in the parlour eating bread and honey
The maid was in the garden hanging out the clothes,
When down came a blackbird and pecked off her nose!"

Yeah, I bet you don't remember how creepy your childhood nursery rhymes actually were. All Mother Goose and Disney conspiracy theories aside, these scissors are spectacular.


And, finally...Kate Middleton, who? Don't wait around for some prince to buy you some bling. Go out and get it yourself. Make it cheap and useful. We all know you're just going to lose it anyway. Maybe that's just me.

Thursday, May 05, 2011

One and one and one is three.



Second Chance - Peter, Bjorn & John : Florescent Adolescent - Kate Nash : Stars 4-Ever - Robyn : Take Your Mama - Scissor Sisters : Her Morning Elegance - Oren Lavie : Listen to the Darkside - Charlie Mars : Poppies - Marcy Playground : Lovefool - The Cardigans : Silver Lining - Rilo Kiley : Heart of Glass - Blondie : Girl Inform Me - The Shins : Sentimental Heart - She & Him : Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want - The Smiths : Riders on the Storm - The Doors : Daydream - Smashing Pumpkins : Us - Regina Spektor : Maneater (Hall & Oates Cover) - The Bird & the Bee featuring Shirley Manson : September - Pomplamoose


Because Cosmo doesn't count.

The Colossus - Sylvia Plath
Sweet Sylvia. Her poems the windows to her soul and countless freshman females since. She's nestled herself securely into the hearts of many men in my life. Wanting and waiting for the slightly insane fresh-faced wonder to come breezing through the coffee house door. He wants to show off his record collection and keep her pretty head out of the oven. Seriously. It's like that. It is called The Colossus, after all.


The Most Beautiful Woman in Town - Charles Bukowski
I've been questioned countless times over why someone who would have the  female reproductive organs to throw about Gloria Steinem quotes would be so careless as to plug a Bukowski book in the same e-breath. The thing is if I'm going to be quick to shout "Keep your laws off my body!" I'm sure as hell not going to tell a dead man to watch his language. I don't need to tell you how celebrated he is or why. That bit you can do on your own if you're so inclined. Just read it. Does it move you? Are you angry? Turned on? Afraid someone saw you crying in the corner of the bookstore? Then he did his job. 

Magnificent Macrame - Marie-Jeanine Solvit



A liberated woman is one who has sex before marriage and a job after. 
- Gloria Steinem

Monday, May 02, 2011

Tacky is as tacky does.



Think of this leopard print train case as your grown-up Caboodles. 
[They still make those, by the way.]


You better check yourself before you wreck yourself.


Don't worry. They'll wait
They always do.
[This is a clock.]


I don't care if it's hip.
I still think brains are delicious.


Because I'm not the only one who loses things around here.


Because I'm not the only one who thinks this is classic.

And because I don't think you read enough.




Female Chauvinist Pigs

The Diving Bell & the Butterfly



Train Song - Feist & Ben Gibbard
Creep - The Pretenders
Stroll On - The Yardbirds
Make My Day - Common & Cee-Lo
Whole Lotta Love - Led Zeppelin
Taxi Driver - Gym Class Heroes
Play Crack the Sky - Brand New
Maps - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Don't Fear - The Honey Trees
Love of my Life - Erykah Badu & Common
Brightly Wound - Eisley
Linger - The Cranberries
By Your Side - Sade


Brian rides bikes. And writes articles.




And another letter to the editor.


"I wouldn't give myself any advice, because advice is kinda bullshit. Take a deep breath and don't take any of it too seriously." - Cher